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Quentin Smith, 23

letters ◇ thoughts ◇ dreams

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[ludomania]

[ .... ]

You didn't leave because of me, did you?

Quentin?

oct 2

[pharmacy]

[ In the dark of the morning, curled tight next to Cesare, half-asleep and half-sorting through his memories of the Void, these questions drift back to him. Quentin wakes up abruptly at the memory, eyes snapping open while he tries to remember. Was that real? Was it invented by the dark? He reaches: ]

what would it matter if i left bc of you

messaging him from cesare's bed hdu 😭

[ludomania]

[ he jolts awake, thinking he's still in the castle-- Quentin? ]

Is it really you? [ or did he imagine it? ] Quentin?

HEY ITS QUENTINS BED he's girlbossing

[pharmacy]

[ A beat while he irons out that first feeling of being caught, focuses on the bright warm feeling of relief. ]

Yeah. I made it back. Was it really you that I heard while I was out there?

SURE JAN

[ludomania]

[ he can't stop that feeling from bleeding through. even despite his hurt he'd been worried sick over him. ]

I don't know what you heard. Where have you been? What happened?

[pharmacy]

Felipe, come on. did you--did you call to me? While I was in the Void? 

[ludomania]

What does it matter? You left. Why are you talking to me?

[pharmacy]

[ A deep sigh, and a deep gratitude that Felipe can't see him hiding his face between Cesare's ribs and the mattress. ]

I didn't leave, I got lost. You've been out there, you know what it does to your head.

[ludomania]

[ he'd expire if he knew Cesare was within 10 feet of Quentin. ]

You had to go in there to get lost. What the hell were you thinking? Were you looking for Danny?

[ his relief is slowly being replaced by anger and frustration. he never expected to hear from him again. he was going to start his #healing journey. ]

[pharmacy]

I wasn't, I wasn't thinking, I was just--so tired. Felipe, please.

[ludomania]

[ it's the middle of the night. he can't do this. ]

What? So what if I called you? Everyone did. Isn't that what you wanted? Fuck.

[pharmacy]

What I wanted?



...You think I did this on purpose. [ There's a pause while gingerly, shakily, he gets out of bed and heads down the stairs. ] You think I did this for attention?!

[ludomania]

And you got it.

[ and? is he going to start crying next? ]

[pharmacy]

[ Maybe he will cry! Maybe he's already starting, stopping halfway down the stairs to slump against the wall! This isn't fair. He hasn't even slept a full night, he shouldn't have to deal with this. It's cold out here, and he's still tired.

[ So fine. He scrubs his eyes and puffs his cheeks and turns around. Go back upstairs. Go back to bed. ]

Sure. Just what I wanted. Sorry for bothering you, I just--thought I heard--you, I thought I heard you out there.

[ludomania]

[ he feels so fucking awful hearing the strain in his voice. he drags a hand down his face, trying to ignore the guilt eating at him. ]

I thought you left because of what I said. Or didn't.

[pharmacy]

[ He stops at the door, hand on the frame. ]

...What if I had?

[ludomania]

But you didn't.

[ he doesn't want to hear it. he doesn't want that responsibility. ]

[pharmacy]

No, Felipe. No, it wasn't because of you, it wasn't because of anyone. Is that all you wanted?

[ludomania]

[ wait, no. now he wants it. ]

It had to be because of something! No one just leaves like that.

[pharmacy]

I'm telling you, I didn't leave, I got--look, I was--you don't ever just get overwhelmed? You don't ever want everything to just go away for a while? I know you're not immune to this.