rubi inbox

[pharmacy]

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Quentin Smith, 23

letters ◇ thoughts ◇ dreams

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[ludomania]

[ he'd expire if he knew Cesare was within 10 feet of Quentin. ]

You had to go in there to get lost. What the hell were you thinking? Were you looking for Danny?

[ his relief is slowly being replaced by anger and frustration. he never expected to hear from him again. he was going to start his #healing journey. ]

[pharmacy]

I wasn't, I wasn't thinking, I was just--so tired. Felipe, please.

[ludomania]

[ it's the middle of the night. he can't do this. ]

What? So what if I called you? Everyone did. Isn't that what you wanted? Fuck.

[pharmacy]

What I wanted?



...You think I did this on purpose. [ There's a pause while gingerly, shakily, he gets out of bed and heads down the stairs. ] You think I did this for attention?!

[ludomania]

And you got it.

[ and? is he going to start crying next? ]

[pharmacy]

[ Maybe he will cry! Maybe he's already starting, stopping halfway down the stairs to slump against the wall! This isn't fair. He hasn't even slept a full night, he shouldn't have to deal with this. It's cold out here, and he's still tired.

[ So fine. He scrubs his eyes and puffs his cheeks and turns around. Go back upstairs. Go back to bed. ]

Sure. Just what I wanted. Sorry for bothering you, I just--thought I heard--you, I thought I heard you out there.

[ludomania]

[ he feels so fucking awful hearing the strain in his voice. he drags a hand down his face, trying to ignore the guilt eating at him. ]

I thought you left because of what I said. Or didn't.

[pharmacy]

[ He stops at the door, hand on the frame. ]

...What if I had?

[ludomania]

But you didn't.

[ he doesn't want to hear it. he doesn't want that responsibility. ]

[pharmacy]

No, Felipe. No, it wasn't because of you, it wasn't because of anyone. Is that all you wanted?

[ludomania]

[ wait, no. now he wants it. ]

It had to be because of something! No one just leaves like that.

[pharmacy]

I'm telling you, I didn't leave, I got--look, I was--you don't ever just get overwhelmed? You don't ever want everything to just go away for a while? I know you're not immune to this.