rubi inbox

[pharmacy]

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Quentin Smith, 23

letters ◇ thoughts ◇ dreams

CODE BY

Comments

[medals]

lol
i don't know if i'll ever feel safe anywhere
like

house was killed right on top of me. i was just there, sleeping. and i keep thinking could i have stopped it? would i be dead too? idk. it was nice you there with me, for a while.

[pharmacy]

[ A beat on the line, because this is...new. ]

You were there?

[medals]

oh
yeah.

[pharmacy]

[ Sure. He's seen the way she is with John, and he's seen how John is with House, and he's done his best to not think about what goes on out in the woods and who goes on out in the woods. So sure. Fine. ]

how did you not wake up

[medals]

i don't know

john said they kept trying. billy woke me up, though. does it matter?

[pharmacy]

It matters to you
You're the one bringing it up to me

[medals]

i care about house a lot.
and it scares me that he died so close to me. and it scares me even more that i might have died too

maybe i knew, and that's why i -

idk. does dying ever become less terrifying?

[pharmacy]

yes
you can practice for anything
the three to five seconds before you know you're gone are usually a bitch

[medals]

is that true or are you just trying to be brave about it

[pharmacy]

idk I guess I've never been brave about it, but you can get used to being terrified if you know you're gonna come back

I fell out of practice until your "brother" put me back on the horse
what a great guy

1/2

[medals]

he's a cunt, i know.

2/2

[medals]

have you ever killed anyone, q?

[pharmacy]

i swear to god if you're about to tell me not to knock it till i've tried it, we're done

[medals]

you saw what i did. do you really think i'd tell you that?

[pharmacy]

why does it matter if i've killed anyone

[medals]

well

do you think dying would make me any less shit scared of it

cw: suicide discussion

[pharmacy]

[ christ jem ]

I don't think killing yourself is going to help anything
where are you

cw: suicide discussion

[medals]

i'm with eddie and billy.

i'm not going to kill myself. i'm just thinking out loud

[pharmacy]

and what are you thinking exactly?

[medals]

maybe i'd be fine, if i died. maybe it wouldn't be some scary, horrible unknown thing that's always looming?

but i wouldn't do it. i couldn't.

[pharmacy]

okay

jem i think you need to find someone to talk to
maybe get a change of pace
new friends idk

[medals]

do you see a therapist in town????
lmao

[pharmacy]

no, but i'm not afraid of talking to my friends about the things that keep me awake

[medals]

i'm talking to you.

[pharmacy]

we're not friends