[ Wow, that's nice! Oh god, he noticed! Quentin takes a second to breathe, chest awfully tight all of a sudden. When it comes to Danny and all things Danny-adjacent (Murphy, in this case), he's packed so much of his feelings away, tight and safe and out of the way. Aristaeus tugging on them with this apology undoes a few weeks of work. It's disappointing to find that there's still mess in Quentin's head about it, but it also feels good to relieve the pressure.
[ After a little while, he comes back as a voice, gingerly: ]
...Thank you. I know--I know I should have known better. Every time. I know it was part my fault, but--but I don't know if anyone gets what it's been like to be--I don't know if anyone gets what it's been like.
It's easy to judge things from the outside. ( he drags his tongue across his teeth, the sound sharp in the silence. ) To think we know better.
But truth is, none of us have walked a mile in your shoes. Whatever else it was, simple wasn't it. And you're a grown man — you don't need anyone telling you how to feel.
( an exhale through his teeth, like the sound of air escaping a punctured tire. frustrated, he runs a hand through his hair, grateful that quentin can't see just how much he dislikes not having control over this situation. )
Look, it's nothing specific. ( aside from it being a year stuck in this place, maybe. a year with nothing to do but reflect. ) I've just been ...reassessing some things. And I realized it's probably not a good idea to alienate someone as sharp and resourceful as you.
( quentin had killed him, after all. that was no small feat. )
( danny had held such a hold on people that leaving might've been the kindest thing he'd ever done. it would be tough for those he impacted, but by choosing to leave, he took away the difficult decision of letting go — a decision he doubted many of them were ready to make, given how consuming danny's influence could be. )
( since he would be one of the chuckleheads that decided fucking the duchess was a brilliant idea. )
But given my partners' love of creating chaos, I haven't had much chance to deal with the John/House situation. Which is probably for the best, because I'd been giving some serious thought to knocking John Gaius' teeth in.
I don't know what it is about her, or--Murphy. I can't talk to either of them without it turning into a fight...maybe that's why you have better luck with her. You're good with him.
She's lonely. ( it's not the same kind of loneliness he knows ㅡ and continues to feel, even know ㅡ but he understands it. which makes it easier to understand her.
murphy, on the other hand, is a trickier subject. )
And showing vulnerability to someone can feel an awful lot like baring your throat and hoping they don't take a bite. Difficult on a good day.
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do you?
I mean, I'm all ears, I'm just struggling to remember why
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When you asked about Murphy.
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i mean i get it, he's your boyfriend
what made you think about it?
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( case and point: sitting on whatever he'd been going through until he exploded and went to danny fucking johnson of all people to fix things. )
But so am I.
I forget sometimes that we have different perspectives. You were betrayed twice over. I should have been more considerate.
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[ After a little while, he comes back as a voice, gingerly: ]
...Thank you. I know--I know I should have known better. Every time. I know it was part my fault, but--but I don't know if anyone gets what it's been like to be--I don't know if anyone gets what it's been like.
text ⇌ voice
But truth is, none of us have walked a mile in your shoes. Whatever else it was, simple wasn't it. And you're a grown man — you don't need anyone telling you how to feel.
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Look, it's nothing specific. ( aside from it being a year stuck in this place, maybe. a year with nothing to do but reflect. ) I've just been ...reassessing some things. And I realized it's probably not a good idea to alienate someone as sharp and resourceful as you.
( quentin had killed him, after all. that was no small feat. )
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Did, um. Did Murphy tell you he's gone? Danny?
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( danny had held such a hold on people that leaving might've been the kindest thing he'd ever done. it would be tough for those he impacted, but by choosing to leave, he took away the difficult decision of letting go — a decision he doubted many of them were ready to make, given how consuming danny's influence could be. )
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( the guilt makes sense up to a point, but it's easier to have quentin explain. he seems to want to, anyway. )
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he pauses, licks his lips. ) — perpetual hunger, alluring but ultimately destructive. And if he can take you down with him, so much the better.
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Well. I destroyed my relationship with your boyfriend over him, so. Hopefully that'll feed whatever's left of him until I can forget about him.
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( simple, matter-of-fact. )
You're both still here, and I think if anyone's going to understand what the other is going through, it's probably the two of you. Well, and Jem.
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( since he would be one of the chuckleheads that decided fucking the duchess was a brilliant idea. )
But given my partners' love of creating chaos, I haven't had much chance to deal with the John/House situation. Which is probably for the best, because I'd been giving some serious thought to knocking John Gaius' teeth in.
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murphy, on the other hand, is a trickier subject. )
And showing vulnerability to someone can feel an awful lot like baring your throat and hoping they don't take a bite. Difficult on a good day.
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