He was very kind at first. Not just flirting. He wanted to spend time alone, and when we did, I felt like I was the center of the world.
At Lottie's birthday, we were kissing. He seemed distracted, but I'd been drinking. Then, after I was naked, he just left. Like he didn't even want to touch me. Like he'd never been interested in me at all, or I was something repulsive.
And I was so upset. I felt disgusting. Like nobody else in the world would want me and I was stupid to think they would.
Except I knew one person would. So I went and found him instead.
[ It isn't nice or clean, but it isn't as absolutely nuclear as Quentin feared. He's quiet for a while, fitting this piece against the puzzle he has of Felipe. ]
when you guys did talk, did he have anything to say?
He said I overreacted. That it was silly and stupid. He didn't apologize. Didn't explain himself. I don't know what I did that made him change his mind, or if he was always planning to do that.
okay, let me start with clarifying that felipe is an idiot I feel like maybe it wasn't obvious back then, but he's immature and irresponsible and shockingly bad at talking about his feelings, which is NUTS when they're so big that you can't turn around without tripping over them
I feel pretty confident saying that you didn't do anything AND he didn't plan for that to happen. I'm not making excuses, but i know he was having a shit time around then
he shouldn't have made a mess for you, and he should have cleaned it up after I'm sorry you got all this bullshit
He kicked Nikolai out pretty close to that. He's been staying with me, since. That's what I've been getting around to telling you. We're sharing a room, now.
[ which is vindicating, in a way, that she's not the weird one for assuming they would eventually share their quarters and their bed, and ravkan royalty are in fact the weirdos. ]
You don't have to do that. I mean, thank you, but I know it's not simple. I just didn't want you to go looking for him or something and have Felipe say whatever he wanted and you to be confused or hurt.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(cw: refs to dubcon, insecurity, and grooming)
He was very kind at first. Not just flirting. He wanted to spend time alone, and when we did, I felt like I was the center of the world.
At Lottie's birthday, we were kissing. He seemed distracted, but I'd been drinking. Then, after I was naked, he just left. Like he didn't even want to touch me. Like he'd never been interested in me at all, or I was something repulsive.
And I was so upset. I felt disgusting. Like nobody else in the world would want me and I was stupid to think they would.
Except I knew one person would. So I went and found him instead.
Felipe didn't talk to me after. Not for a while.
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when you guys did talk, did he have anything to say?
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That it was silly and stupid.
He didn't apologize. Didn't explain himself.
I don't know what I did that made him change his mind, or if he was always planning to do that.
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okay, let me start with clarifying that felipe is an idiot
I feel like maybe it wasn't obvious back then, but he's immature and irresponsible and shockingly bad at talking about his feelings, which is NUTS when they're so big that you can't turn around without tripping over them
I feel pretty confident saying that you didn't do anything AND he didn't plan for that to happen. I'm not making excuses, but i know he was having a shit time around then
he shouldn't have made a mess for you, and he should have cleaned it up after
I'm sorry you got all this bullshit
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same as you, same as me
if he's not gonna apologize, at least I can
any idea what got between him and nikolai? he went out with us to the well, I didn't think they were on bad terms
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Given the timing...
I meant it when I said I think it was my fault.
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[ He tried to make them leave it alone! ]
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He's been staying with me, since.
That's what I've been getting around to telling you.
We're sharing a room, now.
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holy shit okay yeah that makes sense
i was just about to ask
good
for you guys, good for you, idk why you weren't already living together lol
[ If he keeps saying excited words, maybe the weird feeling in the bottom of his gut will eventually just flush out! ]
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[ which is vindicating, in a way, that she's not the weird one for assuming they would eventually share their quarters and their bed, and ravkan royalty are in fact the weirdos. ]
You don't have to do that.
I mean, thank you, but I know it's not simple.
I just didn't want you to go looking for him or something and have Felipe say whatever he wanted and you to be confused or hurt.
You're welcome to come by. That's what I mean.
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okay, thank you
[ Still there. It's still there, but he can sit with it. Maybe it'll be less there if he goes out for a drink tonight. Probably. ]
hey, congratulations
weird circumstances to move in with a person, but still
I hope you feel good
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Thanks.