[he withdraws his hand after a moment or two, though not without delivering a gentle squeeze to Quentin's forearm. another sip from his tea, eyes veiled from view by his lowered eyelashes.]
You are worried that those who don't volunteer to have their hearts cut out will be punished for it, if not by the Duchess, [a pragmatic use of her title, rather than one conveying any real sense of honour or reverence,] then by the Rubeans. Or, perhaps, [and this he ventures far more cautiously,] by some of our fellow Void-touched?
That, or worse. But not--not the Void-touched. [ A frowning beat, and he emphasizes: ] Look, I know it sounds naive, but outside of absolute freak intervention like what happened with Murphy, I don't think we'd turn on each other.
[ In the second of quiet after, Quentin's knee starts to bounce, a plain involuntary indicator of how quickly his mind is racing ahead of this conversation. He jumps too far forward. ] I know when I tell people that no one hurt me over the All-Sight, they say it was because John was there. But he wasn't happy with what I did either. He could have stopped me any time, I gave him chance after chance and--and he didn't. No one did.
[ His mouth drops open when he realizes how far he's gone. Quentin rewinds with one hands, gives an absolutely flippant explanation. ]
When we went looking for her eyes--the All-Sight--I was the one that found it. To keep it safe while we decided what to with it--give it to her, use it to negotiate, just fuckin break it--I asked John Gaius to put it inside me. It was like, um. It was a mirror. It fit right here, [ Knuckles skim the left side of his chest. ] once he took a lung out.
[he has indeed gone too far forward, and Jin Guangyao frowns as he tries to keep up with what he is hearing, filing away details in the rolodex of his memory to return to later, once he has additional context. the details he hears about John don't register more than a subtle drawing together of his eyebrows, his eyes tracking the movement of Quentin's hand to where he places it against his chest.]
A mirror? [he repeats, eyes widening.] In place of your lung?
So that...if someone wanted to move against the majority of Void-touched, they'd have to really commit. They couldn't just whisk it away. It would have to be a decision.
[he decides to put a pin in the whole 'did you get your lung back' discussion, which seems less important than the direction the conversation is currently taking. but Jin Guangyao thinks he is seeing a more complete picture of what has Junpei so worried.]
That was a terrible risk for you to take, [he says quietly.] What if someone had chosen to 'commit,' as you say? What if someone had tried to take it from you by force?
[he looks truly aghast--perhaps he just hasn't been here long enough to become as inured to the possibility of death, or perhaps it is just some part of his fundamental nature that makes him recoil from the thought. or maybe his vivid imagination is to blame, as it treats him to a grisly image of just how their neighbours might have sought to recover the Duchess's All-Sight from Quentin's body.
regardless, in one fluid motion he sets down his teacup and reaches out both hands to take hold of Quentin's. now it is his turn for his eyes to grow hard, though not from indifference--just the opposite. fiercely,]
That is not a lesson I ever wish for us to learn. [then, more softly,] Not with you. Not with anyone, if it can be helped. [okay, that part is a lie, he wouldn't get this upset over the prospect of a near stranger suffering this fate, but he would prefer for Quentin not to realize just how mercenary he can be with the lives of individual strangers. not yet, anyway.]
[ Jin Guanyao swells into his space, hands slim and strong and directing Quentin's attention to him, heart and body. He hasn't seen Jin Guangyao like this since that cold day out in the dirt and the ice. But that day had been tremendous. Quentin looks up to him guiltily, stitches his mouth shut to keep from insisting it's not that important. He's not that important.
[ He knows better though. Years of experience are behind him, assuring that there's nothing he can say that won't worry or disturb. Probably nothing he can say that will soothe, now that the seed of concern is planted--so he just tries to agree. ] Don't worry. That was enough diplomacy for me for a lifetime.
[oh, Quentin. Jin Guangyao is very good at this dance. he recognizes the shape of it, even if he doesn't know which steps are being omitted by Quentin's agreement. and he knows, too, that nothing good will come from calling him on it.
he lifts one hand to cradle his cheek and, smiling wistfully, says,]
Very well. I won't worry.
[as though to say 'see? you don't buy this shit either, do you?' but he doesn't push the issue beyond that.]
Junpei is overprotective. [ He reasons lowly, using his free hand to wrap around the back of Jin Guangyao's thighs. His knee spread as Quentin tugs him in. Don't be salty. ] And I'm grateful. He just worries too much. He doesn't know...he doesn't know how much a person can take and still bounce back.
[ He knows, to some degree, that Quentin has taken much worse. But Quentin doesn't know at all how badly he needs people to react like Junpei or Jin Guangyao to his stupid moves. He'll appreciate it later. For now, he presses his mouth lightly over Jin Guangyao's stomach, eyes him from below. ]
So...what's your take? Whattayou think about all this?
[he bends forward into Quentin's space like cattails in the breeze, the hand not touching Quentin's cheek moving to lightly rest on his shoulder. Jin Guangyao's eyebrows quirk a fraction of an inch higher at that response and justification, decidedly unconvinced, and then an additional fraction higher at that question. he smiles, closed-mouth and knowing, and lets his fingers glide into Quentin's hair.]
I think, [he begins softly, a bit coyly,] that Quentin-gongzi is trying to change the subject.
Do you like the subject we were on? [ A little too cheeky, maybe, hummed gently. He's more sincere when he goes on: ] I'm trying to get you to tell me what you think. You hear more than most of us, and...I like you. So I wanna know. What are you thinking?
[he rubs gentle, deliberate circles into common points of tension on Quentin's scalp, the pressure from his fingertips constant, sensitive. gradually, his little smile fades; he considers his words as he gazes down at the young man looking up at him through his eyelashes. there are risks to honesty, even here--perhaps especially here.]
I think that there are too many unknowns for me to know with any certainty what the right choice is. [it is one version of the truth, unvarnished, but declawed. Jin Guangyao's eyes soften.] But I know that I would not ask someone I claim to protect to cut out his heart for me.
[not unless he felt he had no other choice. which, perhaps, is precisely the circumstance the Duchess finds herself in now. but Jin Guangyao does not care about the Duchess's heart: he cares about Quentin's.]
[ The touch skating through his hair makes him feel heavy, covered. It's tempting to let the conversation slide away with it. With a sigh, Quentin's arms wind tighter around him, face buries against his stomach. ]
You would never lose your heart. [ A kiss below Jin Guangyao's navel before he unwinds and leans back in his seat. His hands draw long against to catch Jin Guangyao's. ] But I get your point. Just...don't let anyone bully you. Once you know what you think.
[Jin Guangyao allows his hands to be collected from Quentin's hair, laces their fingers together, and maintains the gentleness in his eyes. it isn't hard to do, looking down at Quentin's face; this man coaxes the compassion and tenderness from his heart in a fashion reminiscent of both Qin Su and Lan Xichen. he lifts one of Quentin's hands to kiss the angle of his wrist once, gently.]
Gongzi is very kind to worry, [another soft kiss across a blue vein,] but I will be fine.
[he considers Quentin through his eyelashes.] Does gongzi have any plans for tonight? [the unspoken suggestion being: Jin Guangyao could be plans. u know, just sayin.]
[ He watches the purse and press of Jin Guangyao's mouth as he silently inventories the things he has to do tonight. Eat. Study. Clean. Try to sleep. Try to dream. But his fingers uncurl along Jin Guangyao's cheek, fiddle in his hair as Quentin chews the inside of his lip. Fucking hell. ]
I'm...pretty sure my schedule's open. But if we're gonna eat...lemme take you to the tavern. There's nothing upstairs.
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You are worried that those who don't volunteer to have their hearts cut out will be punished for it, if not by the Duchess, [a pragmatic use of her title, rather than one conveying any real sense of honour or reverence,] then by the Rubeans. Or, perhaps, [and this he ventures far more cautiously,] by some of our fellow Void-touched?
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[ In the second of quiet after, Quentin's knee starts to bounce, a plain involuntary indicator of how quickly his mind is racing ahead of this conversation. He jumps too far forward. ] I know when I tell people that no one hurt me over the All-Sight, they say it was because John was there. But he wasn't happy with what I did either. He could have stopped me any time, I gave him chance after chance and--and he didn't. No one did.
[ His mouth drops open when he realizes how far he's gone. Quentin rewinds with one hands, gives an absolutely flippant explanation. ]
When we went looking for her eyes--the All-Sight--I was the one that found it. To keep it safe while we decided what to with it--give it to her, use it to negotiate, just fuckin break it--I asked John Gaius to put it inside me. It was like, um. It was a mirror. It fit right here, [ Knuckles skim the left side of his chest. ] once he took a lung out.
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A mirror? [he repeats, eyes widening.] In place of your lung?
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That was a terrible risk for you to take, [he says quietly.] What if someone had chosen to 'commit,' as you say? What if someone had tried to take it from you by force?
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[he looks truly aghast--perhaps he just hasn't been here long enough to become as inured to the possibility of death, or perhaps it is just some part of his fundamental nature that makes him recoil from the thought. or maybe his vivid imagination is to blame, as it treats him to a grisly image of just how their neighbours might have sought to recover the Duchess's All-Sight from Quentin's body.
regardless, in one fluid motion he sets down his teacup and reaches out both hands to take hold of Quentin's. now it is his turn for his eyes to grow hard, though not from indifference--just the opposite. fiercely,]
That is not a lesson I ever wish for us to learn. [then, more softly,] Not with you. Not with anyone, if it can be helped. [okay, that part is a lie, he wouldn't get this upset over the prospect of a near stranger suffering this fate, but he would prefer for Quentin not to realize just how mercenary he can be with the lives of individual strangers. not yet, anyway.]
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[ He knows better though. Years of experience are behind him, assuring that there's nothing he can say that won't worry or disturb. Probably nothing he can say that will soothe, now that the seed of concern is planted--so he just tries to agree. ] Don't worry. That was enough diplomacy for me for a lifetime.
Don't worry, A-Yao.
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he lifts one hand to cradle his cheek and, smiling wistfully, says,]
Very well. I won't worry.
[as though to say 'see? you don't buy this shit either, do you?' but he doesn't push the issue beyond that.]
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[ He knows, to some degree, that Quentin has taken much worse. But Quentin doesn't know at all how badly he needs people to react like Junpei or Jin Guangyao to his stupid moves. He'll appreciate it later. For now, he presses his mouth lightly over Jin Guangyao's stomach, eyes him from below. ]
So...what's your take? Whattayou think about all this?
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I think, [he begins softly, a bit coyly,] that Quentin-gongzi is trying to change the subject.
[pot, kettle, black, etc.]
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I think that there are too many unknowns for me to know with any certainty what the right choice is. [it is one version of the truth, unvarnished, but declawed. Jin Guangyao's eyes soften.] But I know that I would not ask someone I claim to protect to cut out his heart for me.
[not unless he felt he had no other choice. which, perhaps, is precisely the circumstance the Duchess finds herself in now. but Jin Guangyao does not care about the Duchess's heart: he cares about Quentin's.]
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You would never lose your heart. [ A kiss below Jin Guangyao's navel before he unwinds and leans back in his seat. His hands draw long against to catch Jin Guangyao's. ] But I get your point. Just...don't let anyone bully you. Once you know what you think.
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Gongzi is very kind to worry, [another soft kiss across a blue vein,] but I will be fine.
[he considers Quentin through his eyelashes.] Does gongzi have any plans for tonight? [the unspoken suggestion being: Jin Guangyao could be plans. u know, just sayin.]
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I'm...pretty sure my schedule's open. But if we're gonna eat...lemme take you to the tavern. There's nothing upstairs.