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[pharmacy]

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Quentin Smith, 23

letters ◇ thoughts ◇ dreams

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[ludomania]

[ he presses soft kisses on his head, rubs his back with calm, soothing strokes and buries his face in his hair, basically basking in the tender intimacy. he's just happy that Quentin doesn't move away because he needs to keep him close for a longer time, feel like he's the most important person to him right now. Quentin might have managed to annoy him, but he'd never turn him away when he's at his weakest and the more needy Quentin gets, the more he will only encourage it. ]

No, that was stupid, I'm sorry. [ quietly. again, for other, more vague things he's done: ] I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

[pharmacy]

[ Quentin nods: forgiven, but grudgingly. He sits up a little bit so that he's more on top of Felipe's should than locked underneath it--but still close enough that each deep, measured breath in pulls Felipe's smell to him, just body and tarnished jewelry, the sun and sweat off his hair. He mumbles into the hollow of his throat: ] Me too. I'm sorry. 

...I just wanted...I wanted to know you better. 

[ludomania]

You will. [ he actually means it. there are some things he will never share with Quentin because he's not even acknowledging them himself, but in this moment he wants to be open. he genuinely wants to be that guy for him. ] You already know me better than others.

[ he leans away so he can cup Quentin's face gently with his hands and take a proper look at him and his puffy eyes. it's awful how sweet he looks like this. ]

Have you told anyone else?

[pharmacy]

[ Better than the others. He isn't sure what it means. He doesn't have a clear enough head to consider what it means. But it's so wonderful to hear. He looks back at Felipe like there's a halo behind him, whispers honestly: ]

Just Dwight. No one here. No one but you.

[ludomania]

[ it's the correct answer. Felipe feels something stir deep in his belly when Quentin looks at him like that, sincere and vulnerable, and he returns the fond look even though his own eyes aren't clouded like Quentin's. it's all he wanted to hear – that he's more special to him than the rest, but the admiration also creates an opening. leaves him craving for even more. ]

You trust me, don't you? [ not a question, more like a demand. Felipe nods just slightly, approving of Quentin's choice to do so. he's still holding his face, not allowing him to avoid his gaze. ] That makes me happy, Quentin.

[pharmacy]

[ Quentin holds his look for a few more seconds, heart full and head a little turned around. No move to push Felipe's hand away, but he gets his weight under him, pushes up to his lips for something sure and soft and pleading sweet. He's sorry. ]

You haven't been very happy lately.

[ludomania]

[ he closed his eyes for the kiss and now he opens them, slowly. Quentin's showing concern for him again, which is wonderful, because he loves the attention. it's only a shame that later on he will realize how potentially suffocating it may feel in the long run. ]

I was meant to make you feel better, remember? [ he's doing a shit job, isn't he. Felipe drops his hands so he can catch Quentin's in his own. ] I'll be happy again, I promise. And you?

[pharmacy]

[ Quentin laughs, cheery and dumb, and squeeze Felipe’s hands back. He falls into his shoulder, as lax as if they’d just had a workout. He feels sore from crying—they might as well have gone running. ]

I was supposed to be a good sport, so I guess we’re even on disappointments.